The Jersey Shore!

Makes me feel a whole lot better about my drunken nights out!

Still in hiding though. For now it is Gym, steam, jacuzzi!
Bed early, Rise Early, get resumes out, and finish my scrapbook!

NO! NO! I don't know! I don't know!

No - I am not going to Antarctica! Change of Heart! Maybe next year?

No - Nature boy! You cannot call me at 1AM to see if I want you to stop by! I do not feel bad that you had to walk home 4 miles. Call a cab. There is no need to call again at 3:45AM to see if I have a change of heart. I don't! Not my problem. My feelings were really hurt that you never invited me out with your friends or just you for a drink, walk or bike ride.

I don't know! When I am leaving Vail

I don't know! What I am doing

But I am not real worried about it right now. I have got my computer and a good resume and will start sending it out.
Plus I have a great group of friends. One woohoo'd when I told her I was not going to antarctica and told me to come stay with her. Just so sweet! Offered up her pool and a bit of R n R!

So for now..laundry time...then maybe dinner time..then maybe drinks...lots and lots of drinks! who knows!

The Dungeon, Rain & Nature Boy

The place I stayed in was very nice. Comfy bed and black out curtains made it for a good night sleep! No Magpie nest there! I am in the basement...so nothing there. Heavenly! The tick of the darn clock! URGH! Thank goodness for earplugs. I have never been more annoyed with a clock than that one. But now am a firm believer of ear plugs!

Thunderstorms and Rain made it easy to stay in Jammies all day yesterday! And lounge in bed. Had a good talk with my mom and my friend mariah and guess what!

Nature boy texted me. I have told him about txt msg me. But thought I could use some company. So very frustrated with all of life right now. So he mentioned going for a beer. By the time I reached him - he changed it to meeting up. So we watched the invention of lying. Was a cute funny movie. Then we just talked. Nice, Nice Guy...But clueless! so clueless.

Oh well...

Nature Boy? Don't come knockin at 3am then ignore my calls...

OK...so go back to nature boy. The great outdoorsman! Anyway...I will admit...after our walk monday night he came back to my place. Nothing at all happened! I made sure of that. I was exhausted from the night before. And not real sure how I feel about nature boy. But he did spend the night. We talked movies, life, politics. etc...
At about 9AM These darn birds started chirping! Woke me up.
Nature boy: " there must be a magpie nest near"
Me "what is a magpie"
NB " they are birds"
Me "Well I wish i had a gun right about now, I would shoot them! they are driving me crazy!"
NB shocked look on face looks at me and is probably thinking Alrighty!

Well I told him he needs to go b/c I had some things I needed to do. That is when he insisted on taking a shower.
Who does that? I know I am out of the loop, but ya get out as quick as possible in the morn...

So he showers and I walk him down. And tell him I will be around until Wed/ Thurs if he wants to hang out let me know.

At about 10pm Mon I get a text asking me out for Wed.. I reply back sure...give me a call.

I go to sleep...so excited for a sober night in bed. ALoNE!

Wake up the next day to 2 text and a missed call between 2:45am- 3:15am.

short of it...saying he is going to stop by to see if i am up on first text
around 3 am missed call from nature boy
3:15 text...sorry about the ring..was seeing if you were up.

OK what i don't understand is I have known this guy for 3 days. Why does he think he can just show up at 3am? NOTHING HAS HAPPENED! 2nd the night before I mentioned that i have a hard time sleeping. Why would he try and wake me in the middle of the night?

One thing nature boy does not know is that the last person to just show up at my place ended up in Jail!
I was irate. I do not like unannounced visitors. Especially at 3AM and it kind of creeps me out that someone would lurk around my window. That is just weird.

So day continues to get worst. I then find out that I need to go back to Denver on Thursday. I have no place to stay b/c uncle fam is kicking me out of my mom's place. and I need to stay in CO.

So what is a girl to do. But go to the bar. and drink and eat and drink and eat. at about 6:30 I realize it is time to go home. I am wasted! i woddle out of the place and go home. I call Nature boy...but straight to v/m...did not want to leave msg. b/c did not know what i wanted to say. Am i mad b/c he just showed up? am i mad that he asked how much the condo cost? but I really enjoyed talking to him. So try 2 more times both going directly to v/m. Left a msg. I think????? And then laid down. Woke up at 8:15. Wow can't believe I slept through the night...upon further inspection, I realize it is the still the same night.

I get dressed and go see if the hot dog stand is opened. It is not. So back to condo where I call carrie and have a good cry.
Not about the hot dog...but just frustrated!

I did not sleep that night. Mad upset angry and hurt!

I got up and cleaned the condo and left...

So thursday comes and I head to Denver. Horrible Horrible day! 2nd in a row. I was so frustrated and wanted to hang out with someone so call Nature Boy. Went to v/m and he still did not call me back? WTH? You don't just show up at someone's place at 3am and send texts and call and then ignore me when I try to reach you again? Weird! I was so tired when I got home I went straight to sleep...so easily.

Slept till about noon today. Then laid in bed and watched "You're cut off" At around 4 I had to get up and get out. Off to Larksburger. I kept reading about it in the paper...So thought I would venture out.
Next stop Vail Athletic Club for a 40 min workout while watching Jersey Shore...

Now it is time for bed. Time for bed!

packing up and moving on...

Well to the other side of the village. My family is so screwed up! I am staying at my mom & aunt's condo in Vail. But my uncle asked an aunt if he could use it. She had no idea i was out here and saw no problem so said yes. After she found out she called and apologized profusely which was so not necessary. But the weird thing is. My uncle has a 2 bedroom condo, my cousin has a 1 bedroom condo and my mom & aunts is 2 bedroom. I am getting shifted out of here to rent a place when they have 3 bedrooms that sleep at least 7. Here is the crazy thing....only 6 people are coming. WTF????

So I am booted out.

I did not sleep at all last night. HAD A HUGE CRY! my sweet friend carrie was a tremendous help. I have been blessed with awesome friends! It is nice and sunny...I am inside and sleepy!

Sitting on a rock with my feet in the creek.

What a great day! Took a walk around the village last night with a guy I met. He is very educated in all outdoors. We talked about life and what it means to live. Listened to the aspen leaves rustle..(whatever they are). He pointed out the big dipper and some planet in the sky. We looked at the moon. Watched a fox go running past us with his dinner. And just enjoyed the peace that came with the night.

Today, I have spent the morning with my feet in Gore Creek and reading. Bravo came out to play on the lawn. Listened to some great music. And just tried to be in the moment. Watched the kids in the creek. Decided to get lunch at about 1:30. Couldn't decide a place so finally ended up at La Cantina. Good and Cheap! On my way to the restaurant, I stopped at the fountain noone was in there...so I put my feet in! And smiled.

FAME

I have a guilty pleasure of watching reality shows. All of the Real Housewives, Tori & Dean, a few on MTV, The Bachelor, and many many more. I also have a lot of time on my hands so I read gossip sites, play on facebook and follow people on twitter. I recently noticed some of the reality stars craving more and more. Some stars are begging the twitterverse for their own shows, hinting for interviews and attention from talk show hosts and magazines. And I think, how pathetic. It is one thing to be given something and embracing it and another to stoop to a level of begging. Don't get me wrong, I do believe you have to go after what you want but at what point does it get pathetic?

As a little girl, all I wanted was to go to Hollywood and be famous. I was going to be an actress. At 25, I moved to LA. It took a few years, but I finally knew the right door people, got into the right bars, lunched at the right restaurants. At one point, my friends and I were on the same club circuit as Hef and his mates. I was invited to private parties, hooked up with a well known actor, a guitar player from a canadian band, a director of a movie that did not do too well, and dated a photographer. I was in the scene. I was skinny, barely eating and always with a drink and a prescription of Clonazepam. I had my dream car a 330BMW convertible. I loved the attention I got from the boys and the men. I met someone every night I went out. One fourth of July, I was out with a group of people. We crashed 2 parties. One was Shane Blacks big 4th another was some innocent guy in Malibu just trying to have his buddies over. Looking back, I can't believe I stooped to that. But every last bit was great fun!

I would not trade those years for anything else. Did I get what I wanted? No because I was pathetic for wanting something that I could not name.

Now I write this blog, just for me. Every once in a while I will check the map and noone has been to my blog. No-one knows I started writing here again. And not going to tell anyone. I realized I can look at that map all the time and see how many visitors I have, but why does that matter? Am I writing this for other people? No, this is for me. This is my journal. Kind of like a secret treasure. I have a friend that has asked for the blog address. I have not given it to her yet. I will if she asks again but as I am embracing my life and proud of all the opportunities and experiences I have had - I also realize my life is no greater than anyone else. Why would someone care about my life? Why would I ask for attention? I have been blessed with some wonderful friends and I know they care but I would never subject them to my random thoughts. I would prefer to talk to them on the phone or in person and they all know that. I have lived a different life from the typical 30something from atlanta. I have had many unique experiences- some are just flat out unbelievable and a bit on the nutty side but this is my life. I wake up each day with nothing to worry about except myself.

I am single and rarely wonder what it would be like to be married and settled down. I think I passed that about 2 years ago and accepted that the odds of me getting married are quite low at this point. . A friend asked me the other day if I was going to marry someone that liked to travel like I do or if I was going to marry someone to settle me down. Honestly, I felt flattered that she would think someone would marry me. Part of me would like the marriage but the other part of me wonders if I could commit? I have a problem signing a lease on an apartment for over a year! A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my friend from Seattle area. We were going through our guys that we might of maybe should of held on to. And I named one or two that I should of given a chance. My grandmother likes to remind me of them often. But at the end of the day - no. no. no. It would not of worked. Unfortunately, because they have both been married and had kids. But that is not what I want. I do not want a marriage. I want an honest and loving relationship and if it turns into marriage then so be. I do not want my own kids. I have nieces and nephews that I adore and many many children in my life to love. If I have my own kids then they will be loved. But I am not going to use marriage and children to fill a void. I don't know what this void is that I have. I am searching myself and enjoying the motions.

In this journey, I have realized I have wanted many things and I have gotten most of those things. Am I better off today? maybe, maybe not? I do know that the words I write here are for me. And me only. I am not writing this for people. I am not looking for the right words or perfect saying to be quoted. I don't care if I never get a hit on the map. Because at the end of the day, it is about me. It has to be! Because if I don't have the love in me noone will ever receive true love from me. OK to be honest I probably would do a little dance if I saw someone stumbled upon my page...but i am not crushed that it is my dirty little secret right now.

Which leads me back to the beginning of this rambling. Are people just not content in their own lives that they have to scream "look here...look at me?" Reality stars...love to watch them but come on!