Changes

Each morning when you wake up it is a new fresh day. You get a clean slate and a chance to change habits you don't like.

Theme song: jamie foxx... BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL!
For instance, I was getting a bit sauced up lately. I am embarrassed and mortify to go into town now. I made a complete and total fool of myself. So as Maria Robinson said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

I quit going out and started hitting the gym.

Theme song: Olivia Newton John LET"S GET PHYSICAL
I am having a blast there. I love people watching and discovered if I go in the afternoon there is some good eye candy there!
Afterwards, I hit the sauna, steam room and jacuzzi. Shower up and get home to eat a salad or weight watchers meal...
Today, I took a pilates equipment class. I am a bit scared of my pain tomorrow. I have not worked out my core in a while.
But am happy to say I have lost almost 8 lbs since I left Seattle a month ago. Woohoo.
I don't feel like I have changed anything nor do I feel like I have deprived myself. Maybe it was the stress from the whole antarctica thing or me taking notice of when I am actually full and to put down the fork. I am enjoying walks by Gore Creek - listening to my ipod and singing. Yes, I think some people think I am a bit silly...but does it really matter? Made more of fool in the bars...

Theme Song: Dolly Parton Nine to Five
So, as we all know Antarctica is not happening. I am a tiny bit disappointed but a HUGE BIT relieved. I was just getting too anxious. And I hate feeling like that. So this week I started sending out resumes. Sending them to Vail, Cali, TX, and pretty much any job I see. It is such a tough market right now and one that I do not want to be in. But I am unemployed right now and must really pound the pavement. Wish me luck!

Which leads me to I am getting bored in Vail and no feedback from resumes, so time to move on. But so torn.
Like Winston Churchill said, “There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction”

Theme song: Supertramp GOODBYE STRANGER
This is my life. I have such a huge fear of commitment. How do I know Cali will be good for me. I been there and failed.
The only plus is I have some amazing friends there that have offered up a place for me to stay. But they all have their families and children and it will get old. Their friendship is more important to me than a place to stay, but I can't afford to go blind to Cali with nothing lined up. I am lonely and bored here but have a place to stay. Or do I take a chance and try Cali again. It is not necessarily going to be the same because I have changed a lot since I left LA 5-6 years ago. I am such a different person. I know what i will put up with and act accordingly. Shockingly, it still hurts a bit but at least I have self respect for myself which brings me to ....

Theme song: Donna Summer LAST DANCE
I am 35 years old, do not need to go to the bar for a last dance! I have mortified myself and have not met any quality guys. One guy....New Jersey wealth...I kinda wish I was nicer..but it is done, he never called, move on!
So we got nature boy...I finally told him no more late night calls and I have not heard from him since.
Hurts my feelings because he is a nice guy, but did I want to marry him?....NO WAY....So move on...

And.. I MOVED ON TO MATCH.COM.....um...yea...wrong move...

Met one guy whom I had fun chatting with. English Gent...oh no...but funny. We would same time back and forth about the song afternoon delight and how it sounded like an ice cream marketing plan. It was fun...until he started emailing me to see if I wanted an afternoon delight. Don't know the guy real well, so do not think those jokes were appropriate. If they were jokes, I am not sure...He asked for number...I gave it once. He lost it and I take that as a sign. Would not give it to him again.

Then I met a guy who is so cute! He gave me his company website and his number and asked that I call. I *67 the number and called. OH MY GOSH...Guy was wasted! I mean wasted. In a matter of minutes, I knew he was divorced 2xs, he gets paid $150 an hour, he is opening up a new store, he moved here for a girl, he likes lots of activities, he easily is affected with seasonal affected disorder, how much his house cost, his recent DUI, and now he drinks only at home...obviously...guy was WASTED!
I tell the guy, I saw the picture of you with your nephew (who by the way looks about 3) and your nephew is adorable. He said oh...he is older now. Oh how old is he...He is in highschool - guy tells me. So his photo is at least 10-14 years old. I kind of wanted to ask if he had a more recent one, but guy was so drunk and babbling on about himself...I could barely get a word in.
I finally mention, I must go to bed and he says I made his night. Thank you for talking and let's meet tomorrow. He asks for my number. I tried to tell him I did not know it and he finally got my cell number out of me. I was bummed but did not know what to do and who knows maybe meeting for tea would be nice. But Drunk A$$ repeated the wrong number back to me.
I did not correct him.

Sent him an email a few hours later to cancel.

Guy did not get my email so continued to email me telling me he was at the covered bridge at 11 to meet me because he tried calling and my v/m was not set up. He wanted to reschedule. I said, I would call tomorrow. And have not heard from him since.

So..what was I thinking...I don't know....so back to plan a. Continue with scrapbooking, reading daily devotionals and working my fat rear off...until next time...good night!


I am very lonely here and ready to move on. But FEARFUL of the unknown. so a few more quotes

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes (American Poet, Lecturer and Essayist, 1803-1882)


“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.”
Flora Whittemore quotes

“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”
Keri Russell quotes

Roseanne Cash “The key to change... is to let go of fear.”

Nature Boy? Don't come knockin at 3am then ignore my calls...

OK...so go back to nature boy. The great outdoorsman! Anyway...I will admit...after our walk monday night he came back to my place. Nothing at all happened! I made sure of that. I was exhausted from the night before. And not real sure how I feel about nature boy. But he did spend the night. We talked movies, life, politics. etc...
At about 9AM These darn birds started chirping! Woke me up.
Nature boy: " there must be a magpie nest near"
Me "what is a magpie"
NB " they are birds"
Me "Well I wish i had a gun right about now, I would shoot them! they are driving me crazy!"
NB shocked look on face looks at me and is probably thinking Alrighty!

Well I told him he needs to go b/c I had some things I needed to do. That is when he insisted on taking a shower.
Who does that? I know I am out of the loop, but ya get out as quick as possible in the morn...

So he showers and I walk him down. And tell him I will be around until Wed/ Thurs if he wants to hang out let me know.

At about 10pm Mon I get a text asking me out for Wed.. I reply back sure...give me a call.

I go to sleep...so excited for a sober night in bed. ALoNE!

Wake up the next day to 2 text and a missed call between 2:45am- 3:15am.

short of it...saying he is going to stop by to see if i am up on first text
around 3 am missed call from nature boy
3:15 text...sorry about the ring..was seeing if you were up.

OK what i don't understand is I have known this guy for 3 days. Why does he think he can just show up at 3am? NOTHING HAS HAPPENED! 2nd the night before I mentioned that i have a hard time sleeping. Why would he try and wake me in the middle of the night?

One thing nature boy does not know is that the last person to just show up at my place ended up in Jail!
I was irate. I do not like unannounced visitors. Especially at 3AM and it kind of creeps me out that someone would lurk around my window. That is just weird.

So day continues to get worst. I then find out that I need to go back to Denver on Thursday. I have no place to stay b/c uncle fam is kicking me out of my mom's place. and I need to stay in CO.

So what is a girl to do. But go to the bar. and drink and eat and drink and eat. at about 6:30 I realize it is time to go home. I am wasted! i woddle out of the place and go home. I call Nature boy...but straight to v/m...did not want to leave msg. b/c did not know what i wanted to say. Am i mad b/c he just showed up? am i mad that he asked how much the condo cost? but I really enjoyed talking to him. So try 2 more times both going directly to v/m. Left a msg. I think????? And then laid down. Woke up at 8:15. Wow can't believe I slept through the night...upon further inspection, I realize it is the still the same night.

I get dressed and go see if the hot dog stand is opened. It is not. So back to condo where I call carrie and have a good cry.
Not about the hot dog...but just frustrated!

I did not sleep that night. Mad upset angry and hurt!

I got up and cleaned the condo and left...

So thursday comes and I head to Denver. Horrible Horrible day! 2nd in a row. I was so frustrated and wanted to hang out with someone so call Nature Boy. Went to v/m and he still did not call me back? WTH? You don't just show up at someone's place at 3am and send texts and call and then ignore me when I try to reach you again? Weird! I was so tired when I got home I went straight to sleep...so easily.

Slept till about noon today. Then laid in bed and watched "You're cut off" At around 4 I had to get up and get out. Off to Larksburger. I kept reading about it in the paper...So thought I would venture out.
Next stop Vail Athletic Club for a 40 min workout while watching Jersey Shore...

Now it is time for bed. Time for bed!