Thoughts in my head and living the dream!

I am so torn at the moment. I have a wonderful, unique and rare opportunity to go to Antarctica.
How many people get to go there? In the process of this becoming a reality, I met a guy 3 weeks ago.
We talked for a bit and had fun with his group of friends.
And this someone asked me for my number and I was flat out RUDE to him.
I finally gave it to him and surprise, surprise...he did not call.

Why was I so mean? Bad timing? I am homeless, jobless and in the middle of the country with no idea where I am going. It is just not a good time. Or am I in fear of getting hurt. With my last 2 boyfriends I was contacted by the police wanting information about them. One was being shady and roaming the streets and the other, I am not so sure but a 4AM bang on the door by Dekalb county police is probably not a good thing.

One ended up stalking me and the other I found out is gay or bisexual and/ or a cross dresser. Not sure which category he falls in.

So in my head, I feel like I screwed up new guy. But did I really? what do I know about this guy? He plays lacrosse, his buddy told me he was very wealthy and he is from Pennsylvania or New Jersey. If that is all I know, why am I so upset he did not call?

I know why he did not call. I was mean and rude. I am mad at myself but I had my reasons. At that time they seemed valid and still do. so why am I upset???? To ease this confusion in my head I continue to tell myself ..."At that moment, that is who I was." No going back. No looking back. No regrets. Move forward and learn from it. move forward and work on things about myself that I want to change. Do I really want to meet a guy when I am so wasted that I barely remember the whole convo?

I don't think so...so in the meantime...I will spend my time on activities that I like, stay out of the bars, play outside and work on my nz scrapbook. Tomorrow, I head to denver for more doctor tests and drop off paper work. I am due to leave aug 9. So soon, so exciting, so fun! Life is good!